


The Increasingly Stupid Decisions of Robert Baratheon

by agoldenthrone



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: F/M, Modern AU, like over 20 years, over a long time period
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-22 01:39:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2489735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agoldenthrone/pseuds/agoldenthrone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ned Stark reflecting on the many stupid decisions made by Robert Baratheon and his brood over the years, and how it all could've been prevented if he hadn't answered the phone so many years ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Increasingly Stupid Decisions of Robert Baratheon

**Author's Note:**

> This will span over 20 years or so, with each chapter being a jump in time of either months or years. Should be roughly 10 - 12 chapters, maybe, but it depends on where I end up going and how far I take this idea as it was originally just planned to be a very short story that wouldn't leave my head. It grew instead.

He could hear the squeals of Robb splashing in the bath down the hall, Cat’s increasingly frustrated voice telling him to stop getting her wet. Perched at his study, it had taken all of 15 minutes to decide that it really wasn’t worth continuing to try and work tonight. His desk (and armchair, coffee table, and the sporadic piles dumped on the carpet) was covered in paperwork, the usually orderly system reduced to having thrown the important but mind-numbingly boring paperwork wherever it would fit. He sighed quietly, deciding to accomplish the tedious task of reorganising before he left. He knew it’d only be worse in the morning if he left it.

Cat had come in soon after, slipping through the door unnoticed.  
‘Ned? Honey, phone’s for you,’ she said, a slight frown present, pieces of wet hair stubbornly sticking to her even as she tried to brush them away. 

He slumped back in his chair, pulling his hand down his face with a groan. He knew without knowing it’d be Jon, calling to complain about the case. ‘Can I call him back? I just want to get this over with in peace and call him in the morning,’ he gestured to the piles of paperwork.

She carefully navigated her way around the desk, pulling the crumpled paper from his hand and taking it in hers. Pulling him upright, she said, ‘You might want to take this one,’ before leaving, pushing the door fully open and sending a blue-eyed glance in the direction of kitchen and the awaiting phone.

He followed her out, grabbing the phone gruffly. ‘What is it now, Jon? I’m busy, couldn’t it have waited until the morning?’

He never could’ve guessed that it wouldn’t be the quiet, refined voice of Jon Arryn waiting for him but the loud, boisterous shout of one Robert Baratheon. ‘Ned! My man, how’ve you been?’

He stumbled slightly and collapsed onto a stool, head shooting up. He hadn’t heard hide or hair from Robert since he’d gotten into a fiery argument with him last Christmas, after Lyanna had announced she was moving south to follow her lover. Robert had been furious, of course, and couldn’t comprehend why Ned would rather support his sister’s blossoming, two sided relationship instead of his one-sided obsession. He’d roared that it was unfair, horrid, how dare she leave me for that vile man, but Ned had remained steadfast and determinedly yet calmly told to Robert that unless he was going to accept his decision he would cut his ties and never speak to him again. He felt like he was schooling a toddler.

‘I’m fine, Robert. I don’t mean to cut to the chase, but what’s the purpose of this call? I’m a busy man, I’m sure you can remember.’ 

‘Ah come off it old man, you grew up too quickly because of that kid of yours,’ he laughed, loud and brash and Ned could picture exactly how his face would look, red cheeks bouncing and dark hair thrashing behind him.  
‘Robert…’

‘I’m sorry,’ he started, quickly growing sober, ‘I miss my old pal, can’t I call to talk every now and then?’

‘You knew my reasons and unless-,’ he said before Robert cut him off, a loud grunt making its way through the receiver.

‘I know, Ned, I know. That’s what I called to talk about, actually,’ he said, voice growing gleeful, ‘I’m engaged! Hot blonde, tight cunt, got a bit of a stick up her arse actually, but what more could you want in a woman?’

The thought of Robert married and content with a wife, picket fence and 2.5 legitimate children was enough to render him speechless. ‘Oh my god,’ he said quietly, clutching for words.

Robert, thankfully, had taken his quiet sentence as joyful, boomed happily. ‘You know it, Neddy, oh my god intend.’

He shook his head, not quite being able to clear thoughts. Before continuing, he remembering now the glossy front page spreads he’d seen when buying groceries, a suited up Robert with a lithe Cersei Lannister on his arm. She was flawless, all lean, long and golden but the cold glint in her green eyes and the way she held herself had screamed to Ned of pretentiousness and a spoiled lifestyle. ‘You knocked her up, didn’t you? You knocked up a high society girl and you can’t just ignore this one, can you?’

Robert coughed awkwardly into the phone. ‘Now, Ned, that’s a bit presumptuous of you isn’t it? I’m surely not that bad…’

‘Robert, you’re 26 and already have 3 children, of whom you barely even remember to send child support.’ He’d seen them, cradled them in his arms when Robert had visited them, with their dark tufts of hair and Baratheon blue eyes. All left behind, he thought bitterly, temper rising at the thought of anyone being able to leave behind a child, their flesh and blood, forgot and left behind without a father’s love or support.

‘Yes, well, the seed is strong and I can’t help it if I like a good, hard fuck from a spirited lass every now and then! This one will be officially my heir. Can’t have a bastard inheriting this bloody fortune can I?,’ he moved on quickly, brushing off Ned’s apprehension. ‘Be my best man, Ned. It’s why I called you. You’re more of a brother to me than the buggering one’s I’ve got. I know we’ve got our differences,’ – differing ends of the scale of moral compass, Ned thought, ‘but I can’t get married without you. She’s already a bloody bridezilla as it is and she hasn’t even started planning it.’

He knew he couldn’t refuse. It was Robert’s olive branch. His white flag. His surrender that he’d been wrong, and god forbid if he couldn’t help push Robert in the right direction regarding his existing children while he was at it. He said a silent prayer that at least it wasn’t his sister, his sweet and wild Lyanna, and that Cersei Lannister, the lion that she was would be well equipped to handle him.

‘Yes, Robert. Sure. I’ll be your best man,’ he said, lacing his tone with a surprising amount of enthusiasm granted how unsure he was of the whole thing.

 

Later as Ned was replacing his work clothes with the soft, comforting fabric of his pajamas, he vowed to himself that he’d never again have to listen to Robert explain so enthusiastically how talented Cersei was with her tongue, and how she could practically be a pornstar despite her sometimes charmingly ladylike, most times outwardly cold appearance.

Catelyn’s sweet smile beckoned him to bed, finishing the mess in his office long forgotten. He pulled Catelyn closer, tucking them under the covers as her warmth heated him better than the blankets. Burying his head in her hair, he said, ‘he’s getting married. He’s actually getting married.’

Her eyebrows raised comically, traces of surprise and astonishment in her eyes. ‘He’s what? There’s no chance I just heard you correctly.’

‘He knocked up a Lannister.’

'God help him, he's going to need all the help he can get.'

She snorted then, quiet but decidedly unladylike and perfectly her. He brushed a kiss to her forehead, said goodnight, and went to sleep pondering the best and worst things about Robert Baratheon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave any advice, what you liked/didn't like any just generally any comments! I'm fairly new to posting my writing (it usually stays hidden in my laptop with no feedback of any kind) so I'd love to hear from you.
> 
> You can always pop me a message at thelovelymusings.tumblr.com if that tickles your fancy as well. :)


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